be useless
101As useful as a handbrake on a Holden — useless …
102As useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest — useless …
103As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike — useless …
104As useful as an ashtray on a surf-board — useless …
105As useful as an ashtray on a water-ski — useless …
106As useful as pockets on a singlet — useless …
107As useful as tits on a bull — useless; unhelpful or incompetent person or thing: He, she or it is about as useful as tits on a bull etc …
108Cannot get a kick in a stampede — useless football player …
109Cannot produce a fart in a licorice factory — useless …
110Could not get a kick if he hanged himself — useless football player …